Question
What is normalizing?
Answer
A tool that I as a psychologist use more than any other one is what I call normalizing. Normalizing is one of the most powerful tools you can use with a patient and their family. When a parent or a patient is in an ICU setting, they often wonder if their problems are unique to them. They are stressed, anxious, and they have all of these worries running through their heads. By normalizing, we say things like, "Yes, what you are telling me is common. A lot of parents are really stressed and anxious before their children have a procedure, and I would expect you to be." Another example might be, "Given everything that your child has gone through having a trach, I understand this would be really traumatic." Simply normalizing, acknowledging, and validating what a patient and their parent are experiencing, can make a difference. It can also facilitate more conversation and dialogue with a parent who may disclose more information and more discomfort about what they're going through.
How do we normalize? For me, I use statements that may start with:
- "A lot of children will say..."
- "Many others frequently tell me..."
- "Given your history, I would expect..."
- "This is very common among other parents of children with this condition...."
Examples include:
- "A lot of children will say they're really scared before they get a cardiac surgery or they have another CAT."
- "Many parents frequently tell me that it's really stressful coming in and out of the hospital, especially caring for all their other children."
- "Yes, given your history of a trach I would expect it to be really difficult to hear about having another procedure."
- "It's very common among other parents of children with CHD to feel kind of depressed and stressed out, feel like you're on a roller coaster with a blindfold on."
Normalizing is pretty simple and it is straightforward. It tells the patient or the parents (families, caregivers, etc.) that you are listening to them, you hear what they are saying, and that some of their experiences are not unique to them. I also have times where I will normalize for a family even if some of the things that they say are not necessarily within the scope of what I traditionally hear. What you are doing is getting buy-in from that family to feel like they can talk to you, share some of their experiences, and then feel heard.
